I have come to realize that having kids changes my perspective on many things. Today I went to work to do an aortic valve at 9am. Of course, after a rough morning and getting to work at 7:45 my case changed to a heart transplant scheduled to start at 11. This is typical. I was excited to be off relatively early today because I was tired and really wanted to come home to nap with my girls. Anyway, we ended up not starting the case until 2:15 so no naptime for me today! Back on the subject, the transplant was for a 5 year old, and she is absolutely beautiful. I have done many heart transplants on children before, but this was my first case on a child since I have been back.
Many emotions went through my head today. I have always been sensitive to the families of these kids. But never have I understood. Of course I saw this little girl before we started and she was very scared. I knew it would all be ok, but I ached so bad for her poor parents. Not the perspective I used to think from. They even had shirts made out for her. I can only relate to how I felt the two short days my Leah was in the NICU with her broken arm. So not a comparison. I cant imagine having to go through that, not only as the patient, but as her family.
The worst thing is that the reason this child needed a new heart is unknown. Its called Idiopathic Dilated Cardiomyopathy, meaning the heart gives out and no one knows why. Ive seen it a lot in kids, and even postpartum patients get something similar. Such a scary thing! This is where working in my field is bad - you see and know too much. So today as I did my case I thought of these parents sitting in the waiting room and what they must have been going through as their child went through surgery. A child who not too long ago was a healthy little girl! I thought about it a lot more than I used to.
On top of that, I had to also think of the fact that this heart that we were giving her came from another child out there and that just killed me as well. Those poor parents made it through the new year and then their kid dies. Its horrible. These situations are always bittersweet. A new heart for one baby, and a loss of another.
I am still a bit hormonal, and sorry for the depressing post, but today was a rather difficult day for me. I am happy to say that Dr Kirklin did an amazing job and my patient did wonderfully, as I anticipated. Please pray for the speedy recovery of my patient, whose name I cannot enclose, her famiuly, and for the family who just lost their child. Im just glad everything turned out well, but it is strange how different I think now!
I'm off tomorrow, so I get lots of snuggle/ play time with my girls! I am so looking forward to it!
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Feeling Thankful
Today was a great day for me. I was supposed to go to work but a case cancelled and that meant I got to be off - since I am on call tonight. Now that Laura is the girls nanny, I actually was able to get a couple things done! I haven't been able to clean house and do laundry without having to worry about the next feeding coming up or who was crying since they have been born and it was really nice. I even took my comforter to the dry cleaners! I know these are small things, but how great is it that we have someone living with us who loves the girls so much and is available to help monday through friday? Of course with me being home today, she didnt have to do anything until 10 am (I had to get ready to go to work, even though I ended up staying home) and I had snuggle time/nap time with both girls at 4 so she basically was done then. Its just a great feeling knowing she is so capable with them so I don't have to worry. What am I going to do when she goes back to school and I have to take my babies to daycare? I guess I will cross that bridge when I get there. So thank you, Laura, for being so great!
I also feel so blessed that I have a husband who is such a huge help. He is working on a contracting job so he is occupied a lot at night for a little while longer, but he always feels so guilty about it - though he shouldnt. We have our bedtime routine and it works perfectly. I give baths and get the girls ready while he has his nightly "duties" : make enough formula for about 10 bottles and get them ready, unload/load dishwasher, make sure there is nothing in the wash, refill the girls humidifier and restock diapers and wipes, lay out the girls pajamas, get their bibs and burp cloths, feed the dogs, and then we both settle in for the last feeding and they go to bed. Kinda seems like he got the short stick huh? Anyway, it works. He is not one of those husbands who wont change a diaper or help out with a middle of the night feeding. He is a little nervous to take care of both girls without any help but luckily he hasnt had to do that much. So thank you, Matt! I love you!
I am starting to remember why I like my job again, but I still would be much happier at home. I guess that is normal. But at least I have this awesome support system! We are very lucky. Going to bed now. I have to do a 9am aortic valve and hopefully it will go a little smoother than the last two cases I have done! Maybe the girls will sleep through this storm until I have to get up at 6. Goodnight!
I also feel so blessed that I have a husband who is such a huge help. He is working on a contracting job so he is occupied a lot at night for a little while longer, but he always feels so guilty about it - though he shouldnt. We have our bedtime routine and it works perfectly. I give baths and get the girls ready while he has his nightly "duties" : make enough formula for about 10 bottles and get them ready, unload/load dishwasher, make sure there is nothing in the wash, refill the girls humidifier and restock diapers and wipes, lay out the girls pajamas, get their bibs and burp cloths, feed the dogs, and then we both settle in for the last feeding and they go to bed. Kinda seems like he got the short stick huh? Anyway, it works. He is not one of those husbands who wont change a diaper or help out with a middle of the night feeding. He is a little nervous to take care of both girls without any help but luckily he hasnt had to do that much. So thank you, Matt! I love you!
I am starting to remember why I like my job again, but I still would be much happier at home. I guess that is normal. But at least I have this awesome support system! We are very lucky. Going to bed now. I have to do a 9am aortic valve and hopefully it will go a little smoother than the last two cases I have done! Maybe the girls will sleep through this storm until I have to get up at 6. Goodnight!
Monday, January 7, 2008
Leah had had enough of the day!
Mom and dad came over last night to play Wii, have some dinner, and visit the girls. Hannah and Leah had been good all day, and of course when they came in, Hannah had a mini meltdown. Mom handed Hannah over to me which in turn forced poor Matt to make dinner.
If you have never played Wii before, it is very entertaining, and Matt and Laura boxing each other is quite hysterical to watch. In any case, everyone had a lot to look at last night and my little Leah always takes it all in.
We try to give baths around 8:30 and their last bottle around 9 so they go to bed around 10. (around being the key word). They eat every 3 hours during the day - like clockwork and will always let you know when they are getting hungry - pretty much on the hour.
So last night Hannah got her bath first. She likes to take her baths with Mommy and really loves stretching out in the water and kicking her feet. She was enjoying her bath and Leah decided she was going to freak out. I mean FREAK OUT. Leah is my laid back baby. Laura has so nicely named her Low maintenance Leah (and High maintenance Hannah). But not last night. I think Hannah was in there going - "girl, what is your problem???" I have never heard a child cry this way. It was a complete temper tantrum. Mom and dad were still here at the time and their perfect "dots" as they call the girls "never cry". Well they heard it for themselves last night! Hannah's bath was shortened, Leah got a very quick one and both bottles were in their mouths within 10 minutes. Needless to say, my parents bolted. A little bit of overstimulation i suppose!
So they both ate well and Leah went down at 10 and slept until 7:45 this morning. Hannah woke up at 4:30 and got to lay in bed with me for a little while. I thought Leah would be waking up shortly after Hannah. Oh well. My little girl had decided that her day was over and it was time for bed. Who would think that they would be able to tell time so well?
A little gross PS: Leah loves the nose sucker. I mean, seriously? She thinks it is hilarious. And I hate to say it, but if anything gets in her mouth or on her lips she could not be more elated. ick. guess it makes that awful task a little better. (I just thought I would gross everyone else out as much as me, since I deal with it every day).
If you have never played Wii before, it is very entertaining, and Matt and Laura boxing each other is quite hysterical to watch. In any case, everyone had a lot to look at last night and my little Leah always takes it all in.
We try to give baths around 8:30 and their last bottle around 9 so they go to bed around 10. (around being the key word). They eat every 3 hours during the day - like clockwork and will always let you know when they are getting hungry - pretty much on the hour.
So last night Hannah got her bath first. She likes to take her baths with Mommy and really loves stretching out in the water and kicking her feet. She was enjoying her bath and Leah decided she was going to freak out. I mean FREAK OUT. Leah is my laid back baby. Laura has so nicely named her Low maintenance Leah (and High maintenance Hannah). But not last night. I think Hannah was in there going - "girl, what is your problem???" I have never heard a child cry this way. It was a complete temper tantrum. Mom and dad were still here at the time and their perfect "dots" as they call the girls "never cry". Well they heard it for themselves last night! Hannah's bath was shortened, Leah got a very quick one and both bottles were in their mouths within 10 minutes. Needless to say, my parents bolted. A little bit of overstimulation i suppose!
So they both ate well and Leah went down at 10 and slept until 7:45 this morning. Hannah woke up at 4:30 and got to lay in bed with me for a little while. I thought Leah would be waking up shortly after Hannah. Oh well. My little girl had decided that her day was over and it was time for bed. Who would think that they would be able to tell time so well?
A little gross PS: Leah loves the nose sucker. I mean, seriously? She thinks it is hilarious. And I hate to say it, but if anything gets in her mouth or on her lips she could not be more elated. ick. guess it makes that awful task a little better. (I just thought I would gross everyone else out as much as me, since I deal with it every day).
Sunday, January 6, 2008
We made it through the holidays!
It has definitely been busy around the McCay household. I know it has been a while since either of us has posted, but there just is not a lot of time that I can sit in front of the computer! I may get better about it though now that I have started work and my sister is our "employee". :) But more on that in a minute.
December was crazy. Thats the best word to describe it. Somehow we did manage to get our Christmas tree up and some other decorations, though we never got around to putting one light up outside. (We were the scrooge house on the street I guess). We did all our Christmas shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond or online. I realized how hard shopping was going to be when Laura and I went to Belk and I put some undershirts in the stroller while I looked at something else and walked right out of the store with them. (Yes I went back and paid for them but we didnt realize it until we walked about 7 stores down).
The girls were especially enamored with the lights on the tree. I was sad to take it down! Santa did not really come for the girls this year. They got a cabbage patch doll since Matt and I took a nice trip to Helen Ga, thanks to my in laws for keeping the girls! But their grandparents were especially generous and we now realize we will have to make the office a playroom sooner than later.
To tell you the truth I did not want Christmas to come because I knew that one week later I would then return to work, so the entire month of December ended up being one big doomsday countdown. I did not think I would have such a hard time with it, since I have always been very career oriented and love my job. Come tuesday, Jan 1st though, the night before my dreaded return, I was bawling because I so did not want to leave my precious angels. On top of that, I was very nervous about actually doing my job after being gone for 4 months!
I started off with a really hard case, and made it through, so i felt a little better. I was definitely rusty but it somehow managed to come back to me. Laura got her first full day of watching the girls. They all did fine, not that I thought there would be a problem since she is a pro at this point.
For the latest news, given the fact that I am always upstairs with the girls, we decided to put a tv above the fireplace and got new furniture for our living room. This is my new room and I am very excited about it. We did end up with a hole in our ceiling from where the audio video wiring guy stepped through it, but it is patched now and soon will be sanded and painted. Other than that the room looks great and the girls have ample room to play and watch Baby Einstein (which they LOVE).
I will try to be more up to date in my postings now since I may have time at work every now and then. Maybe that way I can add more daily stories that are humerous to us. Hard to believe the girls are 3 months old!!! They are growing so fast!
Ok, Hannah is crying now - she is our more needy child. Til next time!
December was crazy. Thats the best word to describe it. Somehow we did manage to get our Christmas tree up and some other decorations, though we never got around to putting one light up outside. (We were the scrooge house on the street I guess). We did all our Christmas shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond or online. I realized how hard shopping was going to be when Laura and I went to Belk and I put some undershirts in the stroller while I looked at something else and walked right out of the store with them. (Yes I went back and paid for them but we didnt realize it until we walked about 7 stores down).
The girls were especially enamored with the lights on the tree. I was sad to take it down! Santa did not really come for the girls this year. They got a cabbage patch doll since Matt and I took a nice trip to Helen Ga, thanks to my in laws for keeping the girls! But their grandparents were especially generous and we now realize we will have to make the office a playroom sooner than later.
To tell you the truth I did not want Christmas to come because I knew that one week later I would then return to work, so the entire month of December ended up being one big doomsday countdown. I did not think I would have such a hard time with it, since I have always been very career oriented and love my job. Come tuesday, Jan 1st though, the night before my dreaded return, I was bawling because I so did not want to leave my precious angels. On top of that, I was very nervous about actually doing my job after being gone for 4 months!
I started off with a really hard case, and made it through, so i felt a little better. I was definitely rusty but it somehow managed to come back to me. Laura got her first full day of watching the girls. They all did fine, not that I thought there would be a problem since she is a pro at this point.
For the latest news, given the fact that I am always upstairs with the girls, we decided to put a tv above the fireplace and got new furniture for our living room. This is my new room and I am very excited about it. We did end up with a hole in our ceiling from where the audio video wiring guy stepped through it, but it is patched now and soon will be sanded and painted. Other than that the room looks great and the girls have ample room to play and watch Baby Einstein (which they LOVE).
I will try to be more up to date in my postings now since I may have time at work every now and then. Maybe that way I can add more daily stories that are humerous to us. Hard to believe the girls are 3 months old!!! They are growing so fast!
Ok, Hannah is crying now - she is our more needy child. Til next time!
Saturday, November 24, 2007
The girls first Thanksgiving
Well, after much deliberation for a few weeks prior to Thanksgiving, Matt and I decided to take the girls to Columbus, GA to see my grandparents. We were not sure how the 3 hour trip and a night in a hotel would go with two 7 week olds, but it was very important to me.
Every year my grandmother hosts Thanksgiving dinner and my whole family goes to Columbus for the event. Last year, a few days before Thanksgiving, my 85 year old grandmother fell off a ladder and had hip surgery. Needless to say, she was in the hospital for the holiday and after that everything kind of changed. My grandmother took care of my granddad, as his health has been steadily depreciating. After the fall, they were forced to move from their house and into an assisted living facility.
We were unsure how things were going to work this year. Thoughout the year granddad has been getting so much worse and is now on hospice care. As my pregnancy progressed I could no longer drive there to see them, and there were times I was unsure if I would get to ever again. I wanted my girls to meet him so much, so with the support of my wonderful husband we took the trip.
We got some pictures and granddad and grandmother got to see the girls. It was a great moment for me, and my grandmother cried knowing granddad did indeed get to meet them. He now has 9 great grandchildren, 7 of them girls. The girls did wonderfully on the trip. They were quiet until the last 15 minutes on the trip there and slept the whole way home. Not a bad thanksgiving!
Thank you, Matt for being such a supportive husband and taking on the task of a road trip with two babies for me. I love you!
Every year my grandmother hosts Thanksgiving dinner and my whole family goes to Columbus for the event. Last year, a few days before Thanksgiving, my 85 year old grandmother fell off a ladder and had hip surgery. Needless to say, she was in the hospital for the holiday and after that everything kind of changed. My grandmother took care of my granddad, as his health has been steadily depreciating. After the fall, they were forced to move from their house and into an assisted living facility.
We were unsure how things were going to work this year. Thoughout the year granddad has been getting so much worse and is now on hospice care. As my pregnancy progressed I could no longer drive there to see them, and there were times I was unsure if I would get to ever again. I wanted my girls to meet him so much, so with the support of my wonderful husband we took the trip.
We got some pictures and granddad and grandmother got to see the girls. It was a great moment for me, and my grandmother cried knowing granddad did indeed get to meet them. He now has 9 great grandchildren, 7 of them girls. The girls did wonderfully on the trip. They were quiet until the last 15 minutes on the trip there and slept the whole way home. Not a bad thanksgiving!
Thank you, Matt for being such a supportive husband and taking on the task of a road trip with two babies for me. I love you!
Monday, November 5, 2007
Iron-Brother
I know this is not 100% about the girls, but it relates. Siblings make for such an interesting dynamic. Two people made from the same people, but most likely so different you would never know they are brothers or sisters. This is interesting because we have twins, and already they are two totally different little girls.
For me though I enjoyed having a brother 5 years older than me (he might not have liked the brat little brother though). It gave me someone to look up to and admire. He was a great example for a brother to have. As the years pressed on, we started seeing each others as equals, and this created a strong bond that people are amazed at. We still fight, argue, disagree, but we are brothers that would do anything for one another.
This weekend though, I became the little brother again. Jason participated in the IronMan Florida. A race that consists of 2.4 miles of swimming, 112 miles of biking, and 26 miles of running. I watched my big brother suffer through 13.5 hours of physical hell and come out on the other side smiling. That is something a little brother can look up to. I am 25 now, and have my own family, but I dont think I will ever get to the point where I do not look up to him. He was truly awesome this weekend, and he is now and IronMan, IronSon, IronHusband, IronFather and to me an IronBigBrother.
I pray one day that my little girls even though the same age will be able to find inspiration and example like I find in my brother.
Congratulations to all the IronMan competitors this weekend, and a shout-out to my good friend Ben, who is now a two time IronMan, beating his last year time by 45 minutes.
Thank any of you who sent down prayers for Jason and his safety, we know God was watching over him the whole day. Thank you to my parents for getting us a place to stay, thank you to my loving wife and sister in law for watching the girls so I could go, and lastly thank you to my brother for showing that pain is temporary, and that reaching for your dreams and goals only happens through hard work and perseverance.
For me though I enjoyed having a brother 5 years older than me (he might not have liked the brat little brother though). It gave me someone to look up to and admire. He was a great example for a brother to have. As the years pressed on, we started seeing each others as equals, and this created a strong bond that people are amazed at. We still fight, argue, disagree, but we are brothers that would do anything for one another.
This weekend though, I became the little brother again. Jason participated in the IronMan Florida. A race that consists of 2.4 miles of swimming, 112 miles of biking, and 26 miles of running. I watched my big brother suffer through 13.5 hours of physical hell and come out on the other side smiling. That is something a little brother can look up to. I am 25 now, and have my own family, but I dont think I will ever get to the point where I do not look up to him. He was truly awesome this weekend, and he is now and IronMan, IronSon, IronHusband, IronFather and to me an IronBigBrother.
I pray one day that my little girls even though the same age will be able to find inspiration and example like I find in my brother.
Congratulations to all the IronMan competitors this weekend, and a shout-out to my good friend Ben, who is now a two time IronMan, beating his last year time by 45 minutes.
Thank any of you who sent down prayers for Jason and his safety, we know God was watching over him the whole day. Thank you to my parents for getting us a place to stay, thank you to my loving wife and sister in law for watching the girls so I could go, and lastly thank you to my brother for showing that pain is temporary, and that reaching for your dreams and goals only happens through hard work and perseverance.
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