Friday, June 20, 2008

Struggling a little...

It was hard, really hard, when I went back to work. I remembered crying like crazy the night before I had to leave my little 3 month olds. But I survived. 3 months later, I went through a little depression. Every time I went to work I felt like it was just so wrong. Like every part of me was telling me not to leave. But you do what you gotta do. And it was great knowing that my sister was keeping the girls and they were in such good care.

Now we are at another crossroad. Laura has decided that she wants to have another job and get an apartment of her own. I guess when she did not go back to school this year because she missed the deadline, I secretly hoped she would just keep watching the girls until next August. But she wants to "spread her wings" or whatever. She went and looked at apartments today with her potential roommate and apparently they found a place they love.

So there are some other things that need to play out, but it seems as if she is dead set on leaving our little family. Today I went back to the daycare I really liked when we were looking a year ago. They do not have any openings for their infant 3 room, which they would be in until they turn a year old. They do have an opening in their Toddler 1 room. Of course they cannot go into that until they are a year, which will be in October. Laura wants to leave in September 1. So, what will we do for a month?

And the other dilemma.. They have raised their prices - new ownership. 2 babies (or toddlers) would be a little over $1500 a month! Wow.
I guess I never really wanted to put them in a daycare, even though I knew the day would one day come. I am having a hard time with it. I love my job, but I would much rather be home with them.

We are not in the position where I can stay at home right now, so I guess I just have to suck it up and face the inevitable. But, as good at this daycare is, I still teared up when I left.

We have given my sister every possible offer under the sun in the hopes that we can delay the daycare scene, but I have a feeling our attempts are futile. I know it is not the end of the world and children do great in daycare. We have been lucky to put it off for this long. But I cant help not wanting to leave them in the hands of some stranger.

So pray that I find peace with this because I know it is not going to be easy.

6 comments:

Lori Dupre Jackson said...

I'm sorry you're going through this. It was definitely a struggle when I came home. We'll be praying that you can figure it out.

Melissa P. McClain said...

Hang in there! I will be praying that God will show you what you need to do and give you a peace about it.

Rachel said...

I completely understand how you feel! I am DREADING the day I have to take Wyatt for the first time, and I have yet to find a permanent place to take him that I feel good about- for the first 3 months I will be able to take him to the day care we have at work, but after that- I have no idea what we are going to do! We are looking at "in-home" daycares now, but I am still struggling with it- It is SO hard!

Pam said...

From someone who has put two little ones into daycare, I promise it does get better. You feel bad for leaving them in the mornings, but then you get back to them and you become their hero.

I pray God will give you peace about it and that you find just the right place for your two little angels.

Amy said...

I can relate to you and this post more than you know. I have gone through the exact same thing, and I still struggle with it. We put David in day care at 10 weeks and I cried every day for 2 months. I ended up very depressed about it and even took depression medicines for 4 months. I am now off of the medicine and doing better, but I still have trouble with being away from David and him being in daycare. Though, I do have to say, he seems to do well in daycare. When he was younger it was sad becuase he just laid on the mat all day, but now he crawls around and plays with the kids. Its certainly not an ideal situation, but I guess you can say I have adjusted to it, or am continually adjusting. Just know that you are not alone in your struggle! And, at least the girls will have each other at day care (you can get them in the same class, right?)

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